You would have turned 11 months old today! Oh my goodness! Where has the time gone? I can’t believe the next letter I will write you will be on your birthday. I imagine by now you surely would have been walking and saying some words. You would have favorite foods, favorite books, and a solid routine. The weather has finally gotten consistently nice and I know you would have loved being outdoors. I would have taken you down to the playground to swing on the swings every day when we got home. I think you would also have had a full head of hair by now! I would put it in the most adorable pigtails every day.
It’s been rough for Mommy. Mother’s Day has come and gone and you weren’t here to wake me up with the gorgeous smile I know you would have had. You weren’t here to pose in the big family picture and play with all your big cousins who you would have known as aunties and uncles. Your absence was felt greatly and it was a sad day for Mommy. This time of year is also hard because Mommy’s birthday is coming up and again, you won’t be here to smile at me and celebrate with me. I know you would have loved this time of year as much as I do.
I think you’ve been hanging around a lot. I want to believe that, anyway. Daddy shut the door to your nursery when he was working on the bathroom so sawdust wouldn’t get in there and when he came back from the store, it was opened. Was that you? When the channel changed from the dreadful news to Sesame Street – I think you had something to do with that too. I also think you’ve developed a special little connection with Halee. She’s been sleeping in your room a lot and waking me up at odd hours of the night for no reason. This morning when she was intent on making sure I was up, I had a thought… is she trying to tell me you need me? That sounds so silly, but I think that’s what she would have done. I think Halee would have been my little baby monitor – sleeping by your crib and alerting me when you were in need. Rather than think of it all as strange or spooky, I’m comforted by it. I know you’re around. I feel you on my shoulder and know that you are watching over me.
We’ve planted your garden! We were going to plant one cherry blossom and some other perennials, but then Mama fell in love with a second kind of cherry blossom so you got two trees! Only the best for my sweet girl! We’ll dedicate this garden to you the day before your birthday. There are many people who love you very much who are going to come and be a part of this special day. I hope you will be watching and I hope you will bring us sunshine! We’ll be sending you bunches of balloons with messages from all those who love you so so much!
I can’t believe just how fast these 11 months have gone by. Sometimes, I am grateful that time is moving and I am living life and finding joy. Other times, I feel sad – the more time that passes, the farther away our time together becomes. I will always hold the memories close though. My time with you still seems like just yesterday. I hope it stays that way.
I miss you so much Maya. I say it every month because I will never stop missing you. I wish so badly I had you here, my sweet 11 month old, and that we were planning your birthday party. Still, I am grateful. You have given me so much – to be a better, nicer, and healthier person. To cherish the time I have, find joy, and smile in hopes of brightening someone else’s day.
I love you my sweet angel. Always and Forever.
Lots of love,